January26,2007
see me happy??guess not but i am fine..i felt something i thought i would never feel though.after feeling all the mess after all the stuff i had done..i am ashamed...i couldn't make it any longer to see them try hard to adjust and understand me.i never knew that was cos of love...i didn't feel so for i was in the darkness. was so down to earth..and here come someone saying things which really are true..i was trying to runaway from the truth of my being unusual..i cut myself,i act like dead,i do everything near death..i was near it but i was pulled off...now i felt wow what was i thinking..there are a lot i my mind that i couldn't show i couldn't tell...i don't know why,i was so afraid that it would turn wrong again..i don't wanna make the same mistakes again.i don't deserve to be happy for i am a mess..i blame myself for everything..so i feel unusual for i am so lonely i guess.....NOW..i have a life to see right through..i need to be occupied for sure..i guess..i wanna be normal..i hate being misunderstood..i am sick of fears..all this time i was all the time afraid of doing same thing again and again...Am tired of it..NOW its over..time to open and learn a new thing..i am sick of my life now that way..now i may still be the loner one but i gotta work to be on in my life and to be feeling good and cool...now its done...thanks for the person who cared..my mom..that i thought she was all mad at me for my being but now i found out..she has understood me..i loved her deep in me but she just cant see for i couldn't show..i am the kind\d that doest show off feelings but hide them..i tried to show More of it..but it wet out wrong way...now seeing through this words in my blog..anyone Reading me..thank you,,...