shame

january 25,2007

i couldn't be such so good about myself....

I am ashamed for i never did any good to anyone but just me myself for fun that i thought the only way i can do..i dream of being dead for i am ashamed of everything.i am sick of it now.i cant hold it for too long anymore.i cant live like this messing up trying to good one but always a mess.i give a lot mess to everyone..i deserved dieing.i could make up for myself i don't know why..showing the truth i just run away from my mess,i try to hide the pain searching for a light.now i am ashamed for i wasn't so good for them even if they do good to me.

i am sick of feeling the conscience yet i never ever worked o it.i wanted to be me trying to feel as normal as other people are but i was wrong being normal for i am a mess.i couldn't show how sorry i was for I'm ashamed,i couldn't show how i love them but i just feel.i am afraid if i talk and say things in me i am afraid to hear them say that's bad thing you've been bad,for i know it is true i did lot bad things where i couldn't do anything much right..i am afraid of opening all of me for i ca never and i can't be the one they say they advice i cant make it to what they say ad try to express in me..i was just so sorry for i had this thing to grow but it just had to..it had grown up with me...

since i was a kid this is how i felt.so all this time i am afraid and afraid grew to the things i did that are wrong now it led to shame..i wanna die to be free from this so they wot have any problem of what i do anymore for i will be gone..i am just SORRY.